Hung up on you…

Have you ever felt that you are addicted to getting hurt? Addicted to self infliction? Wow… those are some big words. I think I am addicted. I think I can’t be in a non-abusive relationship.

I took a little break this weekend and traveled to Mumbai for the weekend. I spent a lot of time with myself and do you know what happened? I missed being with husband. When I came back, he was all apologetic and missing me. He held me tighter than ever on that night.

I too had missed him immensely and thought about him pretty much all the time. Yesterday went pretty well, with the both of us all in love with each other once again… all in love once again. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

I am so stuck up… feel a bit helpless and disoriented.

Surviving

There was once a time when I was in love with a man who didn’t know if he loved me. I certainly did love him. The equation never sat right and ultimately he left. I fought for him, stooped quite low in fact and even today when I remember him and the things I did to win him back, I feel embarrassed and small.

This time, I am not putting up a fight. If someone feels that they deserve better than me, then so be it. If some one feels that I am not good enough, then I will not want to correct them. I will silently move on.

Time has taught me to manage on my own. I am a survivor. And I don’t need a man by my side.