It’s funny how we spend our entire life running after something we don’t even want in the first place. The irony of it is so wicked.

I once knew someone who kept running after love. And love was the one thing she’d never get. The mirages kept her going on with an iron resolve and when she finally found love, all the she wanted was to lose it.

It scares me, how often these days I wake up wishing things that I shouldn’t be wishing. I am becoming this terrible person. These animal urges, these raw animal desires. All I wanted was love. And all that I can think of is the hatred that boils deep inside of me.

I have no love. Perhaps never had any. I hate the people who are happy. Hate the ones who do not begin their days with tears and end them the same way. I hate this worls and every single living being in it.

Today I saw a dead woman on the road. A bus just hit her. Her crushed body lay on the busy road. The policemen clearing the crowd that had built up and surprisingly, I didn’t turn my face away the way I am used to. I simply looked at the corpse and wished it was me who had perished in this manner. Lying on a road, away from home, with no one to claim me. I wished it was me and my thoughts shocked me.

I am too afraid to wish anymore. Too scared to want anything. I just want this to end.

Please God… make it stop.